Prepared for Battle

The past 48 hours have been a constant battlefield in my mind over a lot of things…untrue thoughts, sinful thoughts, regretful thoughts, hopeful thoughts, sad thoughts…

The only time I can stop thinking so much is when I sleep. But what do I do for the other 12 hours I’m awake….especially when I’m at work for eight of them? I’m here, physically but honestly my thoughts are not on my work or what I need to do today, tomorrow or next week – its hard to not have all my brain power sucked into replaying events and trying to keep my thoughts from smushing into each other and carrying me off into the territory of lies.

I have sisters praying for me, for which I am thankful but they can’t go in my head and change what I’m thinking. I’m not alone but I realize that comfort and strength doesn’t come from other people.

Its times like this when I know there’s only once place to go: the word of God. All the sermons I’ve heard about being equipped and girded with scripture….the reminder to be meditating on scripture….now is the time to put all those things into practice. I need to let my mind be filled with thoughts of God, of his commanded will, with truth and not with emotions, lies and anxiety. If I’m going to be able to fight against sin, weakness and anything else that comes at me,  I need to have the right weapons in hand.

• Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. [Philippians 4:8]
  

 

• My soul melts away for sorrow; strengthen me according to your word! Put false ways way from me and graciously teach me your law! [Psalm 119:28-29]
  

 

• Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied. [Matthew 5:6]
  

 

• Incline my heart to to your testimonies, and not to selfish gain! [Psalm 119:36]
  

 

• This God – his way is perfect, the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. [Psalm 18:30]
  

 

• Therefore the LORD waits to be gracious to you,and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the LORD is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. [Isaiah 30:18]
  

 

• Blessed is the one who’s transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is is no deceit. [Psalm 32:1-2]
  

 

• For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. [Jeremiah 29:11 ]
  

 

• God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. [Psalm 46:1]
  

 

• Keep your heart with all vigilance for from it flows the springs of life. [Proverbs 4:23]
  

 

• For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this:that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. [2 Corinthians 5:14-15]
  

 

• But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. [Galatians 5:16]
  

 

• When the cares of my heart are many,  your consolations cheer my soul. [Psalm 94:19]
  

 

• I know, O Lord, that your rules are righteous,and that in faithfulness you have afflicted me. Let your steadfast love comfort me according to your promise to your servant. Let your mercy come to me, that I may live; for your law is my delight. [Psalm 119:75-77]
  

 

• But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. [Philippians 3:7]
  

 

• Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. [Ephesians 4:1-2]
  

 

• So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison… [2 Corinthians 4:16-17]
  

 

• You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. [Isaiah 26:3]

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

Once again its your special day. We chatted a bit on the phone today just so that I could say hi and let you know I was thinking of you.

It has come to my attention that I have really under appreciated you. Whenever I’m asked about my teenage years I have come to realize….

I was a very difficult child to raise.

We’ve had quite a tumultuous relationship.However this year, I’ve been considering more of life and I think God has been gracious to help me understand more about how to love you and see things the way you do.

You were 24 when you had me. You once told me when I was a distant teenager that when I came it changed everything. I didn’t want to understand what you meant by that. Its hard to imagine what life was like for you, especially when I compare it to mine. You and Dad were still just trying to pull your life together, trying to finish up school and living in a small apartment in Huntington Beach with a newborn, six hours away from your own family.

It didn’t get easier after that. Actually it got a lot harder. Two more kids later, you switched out of pursuing teaching to get any job that you could to support our family. The weight ended up being put on you to carry us all. Though I didn’t understand how this could be good, you tried to make the best decisions you could for the family, including ending your marriage. This is a decision I resented for many years because all I could think about was how it effected me and turned my world upside down. Yet now, I can’t imagine the sorrow that you must have felt hearing, knowing and anticipating the ramifications of such a decision. I can’t imagine anticipating the negative comments from others, the scorn, guilt and mainly the desperation that you must have felt to make a drastic decision. But as I think about what I know to be true about you and the way you love, you believed that had to be better than to stay in the current situation.

And then you were a single mom for six years after that. While I would never hope to experience that for myself, I can only marvel that you survived it. The hard decisions kept coming, the pressures of keeping the house, keeping your kids from going crazy and trying to get your Master’s degree…I would have broken down for sure. Maybe you did and I just didn’t see it?

Many of those decisions you made, I didn’t agree with because I thought I knew better. I couldn’t see anything beyond my own self-centeredness and I was ruled by my sinful heart. I regret that I made life more difficult for you with my sassiness, attitude, rebellious pride and lying. I would let my tongue fly loose and you often said that my eyes looked like they were going to roll right out of my head when you would try to talk to me. When I think about having a daughter like me (as people say often happens) I already want to run and hide. Praise God for giving you grace, perseverance and love for me.

Maybe this kind of conflict is typical for a mother/daughter relationship. But there were long seasons when I couldn’t imagine us getting along because we disagreed so severely and my heart was so embittered. However, that is far from the truth now and I can only attribute the change in us individually and in our relationship to our powerful God. I’ve seen him change you from being anxious and depending on worldly wisdom to being a woman who has placed all her trust in the Lord. You’ve changed from being someone that I would do battle with on a daily basis to someone who can tell me the truth and I just have to say “You’re right, Mom.”

As I’ve gotten to ponder more of the realities of life and love and watch some of my best friends become moms for the first time I see how unique a mother’s love is. While you ask me questions that you know are going to make me mad, its because you’re willing to say the things that others might be afraid to. Just like Joyce will tell Jamie to not touch something to keep her from getting hurt, you’ve always tried to keep me from walking into situations that are harmful….and it must be frustrating to watch me do it anyways and come back with scars either on my knees or my heart. I realized that there is no one else on this earth that would lay down their life faster for me than you. Those long hours you worked…they were for us. The many school costumes you would stay up night sewing by hand…that was for us. The basketball games you came to watch at the end of a long day …that was for me.

It’s funny how time can change your perspective. I thank God that as time keeps going, I have more things to thank you for than to to criticicize you for.

Thank you for calling me, even if just to say hi and see how I’m doing. Its through these conversations that you’ve encouraged me to consider life decisions, progressing in my career, told me how to be praying for our family and just what makes you happy. It was these long distance conversations between Chino Hills and San Diego that we learned to just listen to each other talk and that I could hear God changing your heart and your values.

Thank you for never pressuring me to get married. In fact, you always remind me that its good to take my time getting to know someone, to find out how they treat their mom and sisters (because you’re convinced that’s how they’ll treat me) and make sure they know how to take care of life’s business. I know that you’ve always worried that I would end up in situation like yours…you never wanted me to say yes to someone just because they were the first person that asked. You’ve told me when you knew someone wasn’t the right person for me. You’ve never made me feel like there was something wrong with me or encouraged me to lower my standards. Other friends of mine have it much much more difficult in this area with their parent’s expectations of them being different from the ones you have for me. Thank you for reminding to me trust God with my future.

Thank you for loving my friends. Ever since high school I’ve loved bringing people home to meet you. You’ve cooked numerous spaghetti dinners and casseroles to fed my friends whether it be one or 30 people coming to our house. I see you pull out your best serving platters to make everything presentable and you’ll never complain when its time to clean up. You’re a wonderful hostess and you have taught me a lot about how to create a warm and welcoming place for people to relax… and you always send food home with people. Its exciting for me to share news about engagements, weddings and babies with you because you get just as happy as I am. I learned that being an auntie is one of the best feelings in the world because I’ve seen how you love my cousins and my friends.

Thank you for learning to listen to me. I learned to trust you and to be honest with you when I realized that you weren’t going to dispute everything that I would say. In my head, there are all kinds of crazy thoughts that I’m trying to work out into God’s truth in my life. Letting me explain how I got from point A to point B in however many words it takes is not something I can always do with others because of the fear of judgement. Thank you for letting me describe how I’m hurting, why I’m disappointed or what is confusing me in relationships. Thank you for letting me believe that when no one else in this world cares to listen, you still will.

Thank you for praying for me everyday. You tell me this all the time. This year alone there have been times when I don’t know how I’m going to make it through the day and yet I do. Somehow I keep safe on the road, job opportunities work out, I’ve found places to live, good friends to keep me company and I think I grow to love God more than the day before. Do you remember the morning I left for China? I can see now how that was a hard morning for you – but I remember that was the first time ever I heard you pray that you trusted God completely with my life and that He knew better for me than you did. And then you let me go. Since then you’ve let me go a couple more times….to San Diego, to Czech Republic, and then to San Jose. Thank you for praying every step of my way.

Thank you for loving me even when I was/still am difficult. Thank you for being the mom that God intended for me. Thank you for growing in your walk with the Lord.

I love you, Mom. I’ll be seeing you soon. <3

The Love of Christ

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this:
that one has died for all, therefore all have died; 
and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves
but for him who for their sake died and was raised.

{2 Corinthians 5:14-15}

All were lost and undone, dead and ruined, slaves to sin, having no power to deliver themselves, and must have remained thus miserable for ever, if Christ had not died. We should not make ourselves, but Christ, the end of our living and actions. A Christian’s life should be devoted to Christ. Alas, how many show the worthlessness of their professed faith and love, by living to themselves and to the world!

- Matthew Henry

Its been an interesting season as of recently….the Word of God has been refreshing my heart and my source of truth. Each day has been an opportunity to have my idols exposed for what they are and to be humbled by the stain and ugliness of my sin. Yet it is that desperation and dependence upon the Savior that keeps me relishing in the sweetness of the gospel.

Though I get sidetracked often by minor discomfort, anxieties or my own self-centeredness, the depths of Christ’s love for me is a place I’m starting to dwell in deeper and deeper. He died for my sin…no he became my sin and I can rest in the His righteousness. I no longer have to live for myself – I can now live for him. The steadfast love of Christ and the certainty of God’s promises are slowly reshaping the affections of my heart.

There are still many things that challenge those affections but slowly my fear is shifting from being unsatisfied in the flesh to fearing situations that tempt me to love the world more than Christ. Yet on all of those days, even my most sinful ones, the love of Christ for me is so sure and unceasing. His sacrifice paying for my sins is still sufficient. It’s been proven through his obedience to the father and through his mediation between me and God.

And so here I stand: loved, forgiven and redeemed. And that is more than enough for me.

Goodbyes are never easy

I’m working on a conclusion to my reflections on the backside of my 20′s (which is turning out to be a novel) but in doing some research to remember what I’ve learned, I came across a journal entry that I think I wanted to share.

I wrote it on my last day in San Diego. Reading it today brought me back to thankfulness for how abundantly God blessed me through my church family in San Diego. My time there was full of grace, especially since I avoiding committing to the local church for my college years before I came to San Diego. Though the first few months were tough and lonely, I didn’t anticipate that so many people would still be such big parts of life, a year and a half after I have left. A lot of these things I mention, I still miss…But truly, in it all, I see more than anything God’s abounding goodness to me.

August 22, 2010

Today was a day I’ve been anticipating for a year and a half… I anticipated going up to the podium, saying my final exhortations…I anticipated the hugs and the tears but I don’t think I really anticipated the feeling of really wanting to stay.

There have been tears, lots of tears…especially when I wanted to hold them back…intermittent tears since I sat down on this plane til even now, as I’m about to get off. I knew I loved San Diego but even as I was looking into Bankers Hill, and all sorts of work memories came flooding back, I realized how much I didn’t want to leave this city itself. Spending time with dear friends this weekend made it so much harder. If the decision to church plant was left up to me yesterday, I think I would have stayed in SD, almost without a doubt.

I’ve thought about how much I’m going to miss Patrick’s preaching, his silliness and Eden and Christine’s love for him, the praise team and their rockin’ style even in songs like “You Have Saved Us”, choir practicies and singing in the bathroom, beach volleyball on Mondays, looking at the photo wall in the church hallway, sitting in the second row on Sunday mornings, driving down Mira Mesa Blvd., Saturday morning breakfast club, Mabel and Kevin’s house, the Hemphill living room, seeing Angella, Jane and Carol on Sunday mornings, Coffee Bean meetings with Romi, playing Ticket to Ride with friends, eating at fun places Carol Bae, being fed by Eileen…even at the end I can say that I’m going to miss the california burritos.

I don’t remember being this sad in a long time. With every hour after 2:00 p.m. today, I felt like my hold on SD life was slipping through my fingers. As much as I wanted to remember and seal it in my soul, I couldn’t. On the walk way to the plane I felt like I was being pulled into a white vortex away from the world I love.

And yet now my resolve and affections are ALREADY being tested for the pure reasons of being sanctified. The only thing that could compel me to endure such emotions and unwanted changes has to be the marvelous grace of God. The lavish love of Christ for me that compels me to tell others about his love. I have to remember that Christ gave his life for me. and that all those who come in faith find forgiveness at the cross. I know that my goal and drive should be:

Mission: Make disciples of Christ
Vision: To plant churches
Passion: To love God and people.

Nothing about that has changed between the day I decided to be a part of the church plant and actually leaving to join it…just the reality of the challenge to my heart’s affections: Do I love Christ more than EVERYTHING? Maybe I’m crying because today, I don’t. Maybe my LBCSD church family is more dear – my memories more precious and my friendships my treasure. Lord, as you’ve been so gracious to me to provide everything I needed physically, give me the measure of grace that I need to carry on and invest in my San Jose life. Help me to see the lot that you have provided as wonderful and a privilege to start ministering in Norcal and to go all out for the gospel, just like I would in Czech Republic or China. At the same time, give me the wisdom and extra energy to still love and care for all that I left behind in San Diego.

More than that, grow my love for you…that I would be comforted by your faithfulness and cling to the cross. That’s all that matters most in this life.

waiting.

Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice;
blessed are all those who wait for him.

(Isaiah 30:18)

When God asks you to wait, what happens to your spiritual muscles? While you wait, do your spiritual muscles grow bigger and stronger or do they grow flaccid and atrophied? Waiting for the Lord isn’t about God forgetting you, forsaking you, or being unfaithful to his promises. It’s actually God giving you time to consider his glory and to grow stronger in faith. Remember, waiting isn’t just about what you are hoping for at the end of the wait, but also about what you will become as you wait…

The reality of waiting is that it’s an expression of God’s goodness not empirical evidence against it. He is wise and loving. His timing is always right, and his focus isn’t so much on what you will experience and enjoy, but on what you will become. He is committed to using every tool at his disposal to rescue you from yourself and to shape you into the likeness of his Son. The fact is that waiting is one of his primary shaping tools.

-Paul David Tripp

Reflections from the Backside: {Part 3: The blessings in ministry}

If you must read them,
Part 1 is here. and Part 2 is here.

Knowing that I’m not where I need to be but at least having a sense of direction is one of the more hopeful places I find myself in. Yes, I was a hot mess (as described in part 2) but I was also humbled and looking for help from the one who I knew I could always find it….

I was praying for clarity about life and God didn’t take too long to answer. A clear directive came from Colossians 3:1-3:

If you then have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

Secondly, I randomly came across some notes from my last Singles Retreat (2010) in San Diego that very directly challenged my most recent mindset:

• “Be ambitious for heavenly pursuits – placing upon yourself a mindset of anticipating what is to come; where we set our mind determines our actual responses.
• We know where our life is headed, so we can live for that
• Set your heart on more than the mundane things of life.”
  {Pastor Nam Park, of IBC)

That gave me a much needed boost to get past my blaaaaah feelings and dig deeper into God’s word and refocus my perspective. From that day, there certainly have been more challenges (some quite unwelcome) but at the same time, God has helped me to see particular blessings that I’ve been given in the here and now. This weekend, a dear sister was telling me that she had been reading and enjoying my blog and because I was able to detail the struggles and lessons that God has been teaching me, and the words out of her mouth were ones I had ever heard said to me before: “I’m so thankful that you’re a single Christian gal right now…”

Even more surprising was my own heart sentiment in response which was “Yeah, actually, me too.” I think I could respond like that because I am seeing more of God’s goodness to me – causing me to be thankful. I’m specifically thankful for the blessing of time, which has been precious in two ways….one of them being having time for ministry.

There is so much I should and could be doing with my time, money and energy….for God’s kingdom. Obviously good works do not a Christian make….but shouldn’t that be a very important character trait of a Christian woman? Instead of spending each of my evenings at home zoning out, shopping or watching Korean dramas, I reminded myself that there has just gotta be something better to do…. I love how Barbara Hughes talks about good works: “But we gospel women have also had sacrifice modeled for us. Our lives have been changed by Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf. Our response has nothing to do with sentimental emotions; it requires practice rubber-meets-the-road reaction of good deeds…good deeds are not an option for Christians. We cannot fail to follow Christ’s example. Good deeds are a way of life. ”

And I started to notice people in my midst that I wanted to invest in. There have been opportunities that I had to help other people or I had the ability to drop whatever it was that I had planned to go out of my way to show them care. My freedom after work means a lot of things for me:

• that I was available to pick people up from the airport
• take care of the gals from youth group for a whole weekend
• driving out to meet a sister for coffee and fellowship
• be available to go to soccer games, dance recitals and school plays
• plan game nights or invite friends over for dinner
• delivering care packages to stressed out or sick friends
• I have more disposable income to use to minister to others, either through increasing my giving to church or using it on individuals
• babysitting so that moms and dads can have a few needed hours
• stay up all hours of the nights making bouquets/centerpieces/decorations
• waking up at 3am to help people get ready for weddings
• Lending a hand at weddings…

I’m not saying this to point to the things I’ve done but simply to remind myself of how much joy it gives me to just help another person. Way better than selfishly indulging in my own desires. Yes, in this season of life, I’m enjoying the blessing of availability. My freedom is not to be wasted on myself but being able to take any and every opportunity to serve the Lord. And that in and of itself is an embodiment of grace. God doesn’t need my service (Acts 17:24-28) but he chooses to involve us in His plans. I’m becoming more thankful for 1 Corinthians 7, which reminds believers that there are two equally valid ways to serve God – through singleness and marriage. But I’m starting to see that God’s gift to me of singleness is also a gift to the church.

One of the main ways I’ve started serving at church is through youth group. Though we usually have only the two Kim girls, I’ve enjoyed getting to know them both through the silly and serious times we’ve talked. One of the best times I had this year was when Alyssa slept over at my place and just totally spilled her guts to me. It was awesome seeing that she trusts me and for me then to know how to pray for her. I decided to join Youth staff because I wanted to make these two growing gals a priority in my life – giving them the best cuts of my time that I can, and I have nothing but joy from being with them. It’s a privilege to hear their thoughts (from who is causing drama at school to why Alyssa does not like Justin Bieber and what their ideal guy is like) and seeing how they take the things I’ve learned into consideration.

I have the freedom and ability to completely spend myself for the church body, friends and extended family without much consequence to anyone but me. I don’t do this as often as I should….however there are times people will catch me in the middle of any one of those things above and ask me how I do it all. Honestly, I feel so strange when they ask me that because I don’t know how I could…not do it. I’ve been given the gifts, abilities and TIME and while I certainly struggle with serving with a pure and joyful heart periodically, I just see the alternative as wasting what has been given to me. And how amazing is it that God promises to reward us for our good deeds: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.” (Galatians 6:9-10)

Along with being available for good works, I realized that it was an incredible gift to be there for my friends as they had different occasions come along in their lives. I could drop everything and travel to San Diego or LA for proposals, baby showers, weddings….through seeing now married friends become limited from attending weddings because they were pregnant or because it was a burden on their family or simply not the wisest decision when taking their God-given priorities into consideration…things change when marriage happens. They weren’t there because they didn’t want to be– but I can see for these women I’m getting to watch grow in their roles as wives and helpers that it is for sanctification that they submit to their husbands and put their families’ interest first. But for me, I get to be there for any important moment in the lives of the people I love.

There are still on-going questions that I have to be asking myself and lots of ways to grow in this area: “Is God honored with my life? By grace, have I lived up to his purpose and according to his design? Have I loved God above all else and my neighbor as myself? Am I serving out of pride or gospel love?” I hope that God can grow my faithfulness to heavenly pursuits, to loving others through trusting his provision for me. But I want to grow into a woman who’s confidence is in my redeemer in every stage, in every day that I live…that I would, as John Piper put it, “serve Christ with courage” because I don’t doubt him and I want to give him my all.

“Here we have a picture of God’s ideal woman. Faith in God that sees beyond present setbacks, freedom from the securities and comforts of the world. Courage to venture into the unknown and strange. Radical commitment in the relationships by God….this is the woman of Proverbs 31:25. It is a beautiful thing to watch a woman like this serve God with courage….whatever else the great women of faith doubted, they never doubted that God governed every part of their lives and that nothing could stay his hand.”
- John Piper

Part 4 (the conclusion!) coming soon….

Sweeter than Ever

This Easter weekend was one of the sweetest ever.

While I knew it would be a busy weekend of good things, my heart wasn’t focusing on the gospel as I made preparations for traveling to LA for a day trip, put together a craft for Sunday school and ran errands.  In all my driving and running around I would try to remind myself: “Hey, as a Christian this is one of the most important days. Take some time to be affected.” But this was all happening in my head and not necessarily my heart. In my head I said “you are a sinner who Jesus died for.” However, in my heart it felt like another weekend. If i’m honest, I think most Easters are like this for me.

Later that night, I had an unexpected talk with a friend about how they were preparing their heart for Good Friday service. I think they were intending to keep me company since they knew I was having a hard time with getting my act together for the weekend but God used the morsels of truth that they shared to prepare my own heart:

“We’ve been forgiven in Christ and shown grace for our sins, past, present and future, that even though we struggle with the same things over, we’ve been pardoned….and even crazier is that we were shaped into the image of his son, the very person whom God was well pleased with…”

It had been awhile since I felt this way but by the time our conversation was done, I was really excited to worship the Lord the next day. I wanted to be rocked by the gospel.

The more I thought upon it during Friday, I was genuinely moved when being reminded of how God demonstrated his love for me by giving his son to die in my place….and knowing the life I live is free from the bondage of sin. Though I’m aware of my sin and shortcomings for which I actually deserved to die, this Resurrection Sunday was all about life  because of faith in the life of God’s son. Not because of my worth or my obedience to God’s law. Jesus even knowing all our sins, all the things i’ll choose to worship and love besides Him, the Father and the Holy Spirit, still chose to die in my place. And now, everyday after, I’m forgiven.

We have received new life because of Christ overcoming death. Sin has been brought to nothing so let us rejoice in the life that has been paid for by the death and resurrection of Jesus, our sympathetic high priest.

How can I complain about anything? How could I selfishly live for myself? I should be dying for Christ, everyday….dying to myself. My life is no longer about me but Christ who lives in me. How could I find hope and joy in this world, in these idols…in my vanity? What do I have to boast about in life as a redeemed sinner? I have nothing to boast in or rejoice in more than my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. But the flip side is that in Christ, there is soooo much to sing about.

I’m thankful that for the weekend, I was consistently thinking upon the cross, the beautiful life of Christ, the demonstrated love of God and how every breath I was taking was more evidence of his grace. I was resting in my redeemers hands. There was a settled peace that I hadn’t felt in a while. And it was because Jesus died on the cross and rose again. He lives and is reigning.

“Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. We know that Christ, being raised from the dead will never die again; death no longer has dominion over him. For the death he died, he died to sin, once for all, but the life he lives he lives to God. So  you must considers yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus.” {Romans 6:8-11}

May this be REAL in my life. May this be evident to all who know me…with each day passing may my life be less about me and more about making Jesus known. For Jesus to save me and to know that it was for the purpose of bringing God glory – that is so hard to grasp. Praying for God to change my heart so that the sweet gospel – the truth of God saving me from sin and to eternal life, would be the one note heard in my testimony and the one thread that weaves together all my days. May it be REAL that it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me.

The cup we drink, the bread we eat
reminds us you are all we need
it makes us long for your wedding feast 

Jesus, we hunger and thirst for you Lord
As we remember you sacrifice
We see the wounds from your hands and pierced side
Extravagant love , oh how great the price
Now our lives  are yours…

{We hunger and thirst//Sovereign Grace }