You can give thanks for what you have… instead of hoping for what isn’t even sure. I saw it in the girls when they kept asking for a staffer and what the chances were of one. I was exasperated by how stuck on the topic they were – in my mind, its simple. If God wanted to give us one or if he thought that we needed one, then there would be someone. Until then, we’re may struggle but apparently we are capable of walking and leading as a core.
But then I realized, I’m just like them. There fears and hopes regarding having a staffer is very similar to my fears and hopes about getting married. I worry about the fact that there isn’t anyone in that place and I fear that there will neer be. Though I try to will my mind into accepting it as the Lord’s will, I struggle with accepting it in the way that I acknowledge the fact that AACF-UCI doesn’t have a staffer and trust that it is the Lord’s best plan for our fellowship.
It’s humbling. To see the things in my heart in other people.
It’s humbling to see my weaknesses. We really don’t want other people to see it.
But that’s where the Almighty God wants us to look for Him…to remember Him and the things He has done. To hold on to the hope that comes from believing in His absolute goodness.
His absolute goodness.
” The Lord is gracious and merciful;
Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness
The Lord is good to all,
And His mercies are over all His works.
All your works shall give thanks to you, O Lord
And Your godly ones shall bless You.
They shall speak of the glory of your kingdom and talk of your power
To make known to the sons of men your mighty acts
And the glory of the majesty of Your kingdom.
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom,
and Your dominion endures throughout all generations.The Lord sustains all who fall
and raises up all who are bowed down
The eyes of all look to you
and You give them their food in due time
You open your hand and satisfy the desire of everything living thing.”
- Psalm 145:18-16
The last stanza is what initially caught my eye. There is incredible promise in those five lines. Promise that should encourage me to live boldly, without second worry regarding my own needs. I don’t though. My first thought nearly every moment is myself and what I want. For whatever reason.
The thing that i feel deep within me, at some point during the day is that I want MORE than what the average person lives out. I’ve eben praying for so long that the Lord would use me for His glory. How he could use my profession but I have a nagging feeling in my gut that it doesn’t start when I get a job. It can start now. It should.
- boldness.
- love.
- compassion.
