1. “It was at Calvary that God’s mercy and love for sinners and the truth of his holy hatred for sin found a meeting place.
At Calvary God heaped upon Jesus all the punishment for all the sin of the world. At the same time, He offered peace and reconciliation to sinners who have been estranged from Him.”
{Nancy Leigh DeMoss}

2. A wonderful email from Mel Hu. I’m so thankful that God has let me be a part of her life.

3. Randy brought dinner to our house. I really really enjoy getting to eat food that other people have made. And i really am encouraged by a random act of serving.

4. The luxury of sleeping a lot today. I’m not sure why fatigue hit me so suddenly, but I know that getting to sleep for nearly a whole day is not something that a lot of people can do.

5. JR’s sermon in collegelife third hour today. I always appreciate hearing him preach, but todays sermon about Christ’s ressurrection and the hope that we are to be pitied if he didn’t raise from the dead gave me a lot to think about.

6. Reminded again to be thankful for the very small sufferings I experience through these lyrics:

though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
It’s here Your glory shines so bright
So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
To be low is to be high
That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ

- “In the Valley” from Sovereign Grace’s

7. I was uploading the last of photos that i have to work on and they were from joyce’s bachelorette night. I’m thankful for the wonderful memories of Joyce’s wedding day. Still one of my most favorite days of my whole life.

8. Opportunities to do photography work…they keep coming so unexpectedly!

9. Becky. So thankful for her.

10. The many many lessons that have been recorded in my journals. I was reading through a journal from a year ago…there was so much that God has been teaching me. I just need to be more intentional and diligent in living out the truth that He’s continuing to remind me of.

The last two days in sacramento… This is kind of long one because i missed yesterday. Just gonna make a list of 10. I’m thankful for:

1. The short but fun time with my sister. Even just watching the cosby show late night and playing board games with her was enjoyable because there is not much time that we get to hang out with each other. I was really sad that she had to leave a day early but I guess that’s just the season of life that we’re in now. Always on the go. I’m also thankful that she had a quick and safe flight home.
2. A peaceful and mellow thanksgiving-they’re not always like this! (A lot of times its because i end up having a bad attitude about SOMETHING in my selfish heart.) Along with that, as I saw all of the old (70+ years)  distant family members that came to the thanksgiving potluck at my aunties house, I was so thankful for each of them being there, and for their current health. Its sobering to think that anyone could pass away before next thanksgiving.
3. A fun afternoon just playing games with my pops
4. … followed by quiet time all by myself – and not being guilted into spending time with the family. I really really needed the solitude.
5. Being taken care of all weekend….I didn’t need to cook once or spend any of my own money.
6. I’m really thankful for the model of generosity that runs in the family. At different times there have been financial hardships on my grandma or on my mom but everyone was so giving with what they have, and trying to  find whatever way they could to care for different people in our family. My grandmas knitted me some slippers to wear around the house (something I REALLY needed and didn’t really want to buy in the store), and my uncle gave me a dvd player.
7. Thankful for all the food that my grandma sent back with us. Some of my favorite foods!
8. A quick and painless travel day. After the complications that come with traveling for missions (because of both group size and  international) driving from Sac to Chino Hills and even Chino Hills to San Diego was a breeze. Cindy’s company on the drive from Chino Hills to SD helped the time to pass super quick.
9. The ease at which my parents incorporate pretty much anyone into our family… and how they are always more than willing to extend their care towards my friends. They have ALWAYS been hospitable and kind to the people in my life. I should be more like this.
10. Sarah asking me why I’m thankful for Christ before we went to sleep. I originally told her I’m thankful for Christ because without him, there’s no hope. We would  be dead in our sins and that would be it. But rethinking it, I am thankful for Christ because of the love that he and the father have for me, a wretched sinner and how they show it to me through his life and death.

In light of thanksgiving, the last two days have been travel days and thus, have not been spending much time in front of the computer… (may be that’s a good thing!)

Things I’m thankful for on Day4:

1. Becky is so happy when we get to spend time together at home, which makes me happy as well. I’m thankful that even though I didn’t get to have dinner with Mimi & Johnny as planned, God provided an opportunity to have dinner with Becky, Ted and Joyce
2. Getting to play an active part in encouraging Becky….the Lord giving me opportunities to love her through challenging stuff
3. A free keyboard and mouse for my PC!
4. Naoms intentionally showing her love and affection for me…even if its through small hangouts (over So You Think You Can Dance) and asking me repeatedly to come sleep over. I miss living with her so much but at the same time, I know that God is definitely still working in our friendship.
5. an unexpected friendship with Eileen. I didn’t see this one coming but its been such a blessing to laugh together and just to have the kind of friendship where we’re already pretty upfront with one another. It’s crazy how similar we’re realizing we are!

Day 5:

1. Making it home on the late night drive from San Diego –> Chino Hills
2. Getting to rest in the car on the way to Sacramento…and getting there safely
3. Getting to stay at my grandmas house. I didn’t appreciate it much when I was growing up and we lived with her during the summer, but this is the one time of year that we do get to stay in this treasured home.
4. Opportunities to show love to my grandma…through helping her around the house and buying her small presents. She reacts like I just got her all the diamonds in the world.
5. Though NOT received well, my grandmas asked my sister to go back to church. I don’t think she’s going to but I’m just thankful that my grandma asked her and brought it up.

1. Only one more day of work for this week…. PRAISE THE LORD, because I am tiiiiired.
2. Meeting up with Victoria. I’m thankful that the Lord is letting me be a part of her life and getting a front row seat to the ways he’s gonna grow her. And I’m humbled that she is thankful for our times of meeting too.
3. I’m thankful for choir at LBC… it’s so lovely to hear how the voices mesh together to create music. Thank you God, for giving us the ability to praise you with our voices!
4. …after choir I got in the choir and…. CHRISTMAS MUSIC WAS ON THE RADIO! Yeeeee, so happy. And thus reminded of the birth of our Lord.
5. I’m thankful for all the encouragement that has come my way as I prepare to spend the next few days with my family (especially those who are not followers of Christ.).

I got to share about being thankful with the church family tonight during the annual thanksgiving potluck (which was a sweet time of hearing praises to the Lord). Here’s my quick list:

1. God’s persevering grace in my life that has secured my salvation. In light of Friday’s Bible study, I am thankful for eternity security.
2. I am thankful for the collegians who desire to grow in the ways of the Lord and are teachable in regards to developing a God-centered worldview. Getting to partake in ministry to them is by far the most obviously God given blessing and opportunities to be refined in my love of Christ.
3. I am thankful that the brothers of the church desire to be better men of God. When a men’s training series took place over the fall, I was so encouraged to hear that the men we’re going out and really desired to learn and be trained up in godliness. These are going to be the men are going to be the pillars in the local church. The men who lead our families and teach our children about the greatness of God.
4. I am so thankful that the Lord has given me several sisters who have cared for me enough to ask how I’m doing and patiently prod for an answer, particularly when I’m not doing well. This has been a consistent trait of   my closest friends, but I am very very thankful that there are several other sisters who God has brought along when I needed someone to talk to, and that I can trust enough to let them see the shameful struggles of my heart. I am especially thankful that God has consistently answered my prayers for older sisters to invest in my life and help me grow through Carol, Ange & Romi.
5. I am thankful for ALL the families at LBC. God has given me snapshots of families where fathers and mothers are teaching their children to love and worship God… seeing parents desire their children to walk with the Lord and understand the significance of the cross more than pounding in the importance of materialistic security…. I am thankful for the examples that they wives have as they support their husbands in ministry and consider it a privilege to care for their family as their God-given ministry.

There has been a markable absence of giving thanks to God for the things he’s been doing. I realized how much of a bad attitude and lack of worship of God was coming from an ungrateful heart this past week. As I shared about it with my small group on Friday, I decided to make a list of 5 things i’m thankful for. It was an exercise that I did during my senior year of college – and I remember looking for things to be thankful for each day during that period. I’m going to be posting it here on my blog for the next 30 days, starting today. May others be challenged to express their thanks to the heavenly father.

1. These sore muscles of mine only remind me to be thankful that I can run, jump and dance.
2. Aside from refreshing my dry eyes, i’m thankful for a good cry because it helps release pent up emotions, even if I am just crying during a movie.
3. After answering  a question why my best friends are my best friends, I mainly recalled all the times when they challenged me to do the right thing and don’t take my excuses.
4. A day of enjoying the sunshine and playing volleyball.
5. Time alone, just when I needed it.

I’ve been living with Sarah for about 3 months now… and it’s been more fun than I thought it would be. I anticipated a tough transition from Baywood to my new place, but it was the first time I was moving into a room that I would share with someone that I already considered to be a good friend. Sarah and I first met each other through Chi Flock Bible study (fall of 06!) but became much better acquinted with each other during Czech Missions in 2008. Sarah says that I am the most chatty roommate she’s had and I would say that for someone, I never feel scared or bothered to tell her about my day. She’s been a patient listener and i’ve really enjoyed our nightly convversations about things all over the board… our convictions, the priorities in our lives, what does it look like to be a Godly woman, honoring Christ in our relationships, life at church, our families, etc.  I love her quirky sense of humor and have even adjusted to her love of pink.

I am really thankful to have such a great roommate during my last year in SD. And just for fun, here are some photos. They’re all from our trip to Czech Republic in August 08 but I’m working on taking some more recent ones.

With some of our Czech buddies.

Debriefing after Czech Missions in Vienna in August 2008 with Alyssa.

Read this (can’t remember where) and thought I should make a note of it. To be praying for these things. ::sigh::

A real woman . . .
…is glad she’s a woman and rejoices in her femininity, expressing it through her attitude, appearance and bearing. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)

…values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge. (Proverbs 22:17-21, 2:2-6)

…realizes her imperative need to allow the Holy Spirit to control her emotions and expressions of them. (James 1:19-20)

…does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints, but radiates cheerfulness and joy. (Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22)

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world 
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when…

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave…
I never leave Your hands

- JJ Heller “Your Hands”

Pastor John asked a simple question at tonight’s member’s meeting. He asked us to share about what we’ve been learning about the love of Christ. I didn’t ask for the mike – in all the struggles and wrestling i’ve done in the past few months, I just didn’t know how to articulate it. Oh it’s been there though. It’s been one of my prayer requests – to better see and understand the love of Christ. I was/am convinced that if I really understood it, I would not struggle to find my identity within that boundless and steadfast love. The love of one who sees my wickedness yet it never affects his love for me.

So yes, it’s been a struggle. I’m not sure why – if the sovereign Lord loves me unconditionally, why wouldn’t I respond in full obedience? Why do I believe the lies that God is withholding goodness from me and blessing everyone else? Why do I want to believe the lie that I deserve more than what I have? Why do I feel anxiety over my earthly relationships – that if they should wane, so will my sense of belonging and acceptance? Why do I cling to the present securities surrounding instead of the promise of treasures in heaven?

I’m just praying that He would help me remember…

Blessed is the one whose sins have overcome
Whom God has sheltered deep within his grace
Blessed is the one who trusts in God the son
His steadfast love the sinners hiding place

Jesus, your love covers all my sins
Jesus, your love draws my heart to sing
What a savior, Jesus