I’ve been living with Sarah for about 3 months now… and it’s been more fun than I thought it would be. I anticipated a tough transition from Baywood to my new place, but it was the first time I was moving into a room that I would share with someone that I already considered to be a good friend. Sarah and I first met each other through Chi Flock Bible study (fall of 06!) but became much better acquinted with each other during Czech Missions in 2008. Sarah says that I am the most chatty roommate she’s had and I would say that for someone, I never feel scared or bothered to tell her about my day. She’s been a patient listener and i’ve really enjoyed our nightly convversations about things all over the board… our convictions, the priorities in our lives, what does it look like to be a Godly woman, honoring Christ in our relationships, life at church, our families, etc.  I love her quirky sense of humor and have even adjusted to her love of pink.

I am really thankful to have such a great roommate during my last year in SD. And just for fun, here are some photos. They’re all from our trip to Czech Republic in August 08 but I’m working on taking some more recent ones.

With some of our Czech buddies.

Debriefing after Czech Missions in Vienna in August 2008 with Alyssa.

Read this (can’t remember where) and thought I should make a note of it. To be praying for these things. ::sigh::

A real woman . . .
…is glad she’s a woman and rejoices in her femininity, expressing it through her attitude, appearance and bearing. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)

…does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)

…values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge. (Proverbs 22:17-21, 2:2-6)

…realizes her imperative need to allow the Holy Spirit to control her emotions and expressions of them. (James 1:19-20)

…does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints, but radiates cheerfulness and joy. (Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22)

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world 
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when…

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave…
I never leave Your hands

- JJ Heller “Your Hands”

Pastor John asked a simple question at tonight’s member’s meeting. He asked us to share about what we’ve been learning about the love of Christ. I didn’t ask for the mike – in all the struggles and wrestling i’ve done in the past few months, I just didn’t know how to articulate it. Oh it’s been there though. It’s been one of my prayer requests – to better see and understand the love of Christ. I was/am convinced that if I really understood it, I would not struggle to find my identity within that boundless and steadfast love. The love of one who sees my wickedness yet it never affects his love for me.

So yes, it’s been a struggle. I’m not sure why – if the sovereign Lord loves me unconditionally, why wouldn’t I respond in full obedience? Why do I believe the lies that God is withholding goodness from me and blessing everyone else? Why do I want to believe the lie that I deserve more than what I have? Why do I feel anxiety over my earthly relationships – that if they should wane, so will my sense of belonging and acceptance? Why do I cling to the present securities surrounding instead of the promise of treasures in heaven?

I’m just praying that He would help me remember…

Blessed is the one whose sins have overcome
Whom God has sheltered deep within his grace
Blessed is the one who trusts in God the son
His steadfast love the sinners hiding place

Jesus, your love covers all my sins
Jesus, your love draws my heart to sing
What a savior, Jesus

Just some thoughts & quoteable’s i’ve been mulling around lately…

“Paul identifies [Phoebe] as a ’servant of the church’…. Dear ladies, peculiarly gifted by God as helpers suitable, heroically play your God-appointed positions in the church. You weren’t assigned to be corporately leading and publicly preaching, but supportively helping and humbly serving…. The church of Christ desperately needs Phoebe-like women of dominion.” pp. 91, 92

Question [and VERY practical challenge]:
Do you spend more time complaining about the men whom God has appointed to lead and publicly preach than aggressively “playing” the position God called you to in the church? How can you repent and begin to serve the church like Pheobe?

This is something that I want to learn and to start practicing. With a sinful/prideful nature and the influence of the Spice Girls & other propents of the grrrrrrrrrrrrl power phase I was influenced by during much of my adolescence this is NOT a natural mentality for me. But the more I’ve been thinking through the responsibilities outlined in scripture for women, how very important it is to re-program my mentality down to the roots. Starting with taking this prideful heart and programming humility – in serving and loving others because I want to show my love for my Heavenly Father. :/

“Jesus Christ is not merely the means of our rescue from damnation; he is the goal of our salvation….He is not merely the rope that pulls us from the threatening waves; he is the solid beach under our feet, the air in our lungs, and the beat of our heart, and the warm sun on our skin, and the song in our ears, and the arms of our beloved.”
- John Piper, Taste and See, 406

This quote made me think of Phil Wickham song that I loved when I was in college…and made me think of how much more time I need to spend with the savior. Not to fulfill an obligation that hangs over me but to see and savor his beauty and his presence.

What do you mean by the providence of God? (Question 27)

“The almighty and everywhere present power of God; whereby, as it were by his hand, he upholds and governs heaven, earth, and all creatures; so that herbs and grass, rain and drought, fruitful and barren years, meat and drink, health and sickness, riches and poverty, yea, and all things come, not by chance, but by his fatherly hand.”

- The Heidelberg Catechism

This always happens….all my favorite artists come out with new albums AT THE SAME TIME. :/ There’s always this period where I feel like “Geez, I’ve listened to this song 2000 times overt the past year.”
Exciting yes, but cheap, it is not. I’ve been really conservative with my music purchases but I just don’t know. I can’t wait to give a thorough listen to all of these!

- Bethany Dillon “Stop and Listen” (I really really want to get this! The few songs I’ve already heard are awesome!)
- Colbie Caillat “Breakthrough” deluxe edition
- Sovereign Grace “Sons & Daughters”
- A Fine Frenzy “Bomb in a Birdcage”
- Ingrid Michaelson “Everybody”
- Colbie Caillat “Coco Summer Sessions”
- BarlowGirl “Love and War”
- Mat Kearney “City of Black and White”
- Keith & Kristyn Getty “Awaken the Dawn”

After a somewhat emotional week as Baywood came to and end, I praise God for his nearness in this time. After a summer of looking through life with a calloused heart, I was comforted by the word as my worldly surroundings swung in a new direction. There were moments with so much fear and anxieties about the future – about friendships, about my well-being, about goodbyes and so-longs. Yet as I was listening to some Christ-centered music (as I had neglected to do  much of the past month), I was reminded of the wonderful security we have for eternity in Christ who has conquered all in this song “Competely Done”.
Indeed. The perfect song for this season…

Completely Done by Jonathan Baird (from Sovereign Grace’s Sons and Daughters Album)

What reason have I to doubt
Why would I dwell in fear
When all I have known is grace
My future in Christ is clear

My sins have been paid in full
There’s no condemnation here
I live in the good of this
My Father has brought me near
I’m leaving my fears behind me now

Chorus
The old is gone, the new has come
What You complete is completely done
We’re heirs with Christ, the victory won
What You complete is completely done

I don’t know what lies ahead
What if I fail again
You are my confidence
You’ll keep me to the end
I’m leaving my fears behind me now

“For those men and women to be discontented and murmur whom God has raised from mean and low estates and positions. “If God by his providence does raise you, you are still as greedy of more as you were before, and as much discontented as you were before. … If you have taken a poor beggar boy, who lay begging at your door, into your house, and set him at your own table, could you bear that he should complain that some dish is not well dressed, or the like?” So it is so often with us and God.”

- Tim Challies summarizing The Jewel of Christian Contentment, Chapter 10

“The gospel of Christ’s painful death on our behalf has a way of breaking our pride and our sense of rightful demands and our frustration at not getting our way. It works lowliness into our souls. Then we treat each other with meekness flowing out of that lowliness. The battle is with our own proud, self-centered inner person. Fight that battle by faith, through the gospel, in prayer. Be stunned and broken and built up and made glad and humble because you are chosen, holy, loved.”

- John Piper, This Momentary Marriage (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2009), 56.